What’s The Heaviest Burrito In San Francisco? An Important Investigation


Posted on: October 31, 2016

Posted by:


10 brave burritos entered the ring. One champion emerged.


There's a constant debate raging in SF about where to get the best burrito. But we can all agree on one thing: a stellar burrito should be stuffed to the motherfucking max.

We visited 10 of the Mission's major burrito joints and brought a kitchen scale to see whose was the most big-boned.


1. The burrito used for random sampling must be a super burrito -- i.e. comes with guacamole, sour cream and cheese -- with carnitas.
2. When given a choice of beans, they must be black beans.
3. Acceptable dad jokes include: exclaiming the burrito is "bigger than my torso!", bicep-curling the burrito(s), claiming you "got your cardio for the day," and putting the burrito near one's crotch to make a mildly funny penis joke.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


Though the burrito at La Taq (2889 Mission St.) was recently lauded as the “best in America,” its lack of rice lands it dead last in the weight competition, clocking in at a piddly 1.076.

Of course, if you’re a burrito purist who thinks rice is the Nickelback of burrito ingredients, you’ll be fine with this. But if you’re going for sheer volume, you’re going to want something a little heftier than La Taq.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


The super burrito we got from Little Chihuahua (581 Valencia St.) was, well, little. Unlike La Taq, this burrito does have rice, but only weight one-third of a pound more.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


More like Taqueria CAN’T-cun.* (2288 Mission St.)

*Joke submitted by Mat Honan

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


The burrito at El Buen Sabor (699 Valencia St.) came with a generous portion of carnitas, but its dearth of sour cream landed it in the average range.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


La Cumbre (515 Valencia St.) is famous for being the birthplace of the “mission-style” burrito, but when it comes to quantitative juiciness of carnitas, La Cumbre lands smack-dab in the middle of our list.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


Pancho Villa (3071 16th St.) is probably more known for their incredible salsa bar than their burritos. Their burrito was certainly pretty and packed a solid carnitas punch. After, we amassed a full second meal from the pickled vegetables at the salsa bar.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


Papalote (3409 24th St.) DOESN’T HAVE CARNITAS, so we settled for chile verde pork instead. This is one hefty burrito, and clocking in at $10.73, it’s also the priciest one we sampled. Good for when drunk you feels a little ~fancy.~

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


A towering burrito legend, there was no way El Farolito (2779 Mission St.) was going to let us down in the weight department. All that unhealthy but delicious rice and cheese put this bad boy well over the 1.5 threshold, and at $7.34 for a super carnitas, it was also the cheapest. Vaya con dios.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

We made it this far without a horrible "size matters" joke, but let's just say: the super burrito we got from Taqueria Vallarta (3033 24th St.) was GIGANTIC. It was as big as a human forearm! (Above: forearm for scale.) Overflowing with carnitas, Vallarta's effort came in like a wrecking ball.

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed

Mathew Guiver / BuzzFeed


THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE MISSION. Guadalajara (3146 24th St.) is a little off the beaten path, and it’s hardly the hipster hangout with it’s Chi-Chi’s-in-the-’80s decor (although perhaps both of these things would qualify it as the ultimate hipster hangout.) But Taqueria Guadalajara served us the heaviest super burrito we could find, punching us in the jaw with over one and three-quarter pounds of swift burrito uppercut.


Best bang for your buck: El Farolito, at $4.50/pound of burrito
Worst bang for your buck: La Taq at $9.04/pound (Little Chihuahua for the burritos with rice at $7.75/pound)
"Size Matters" Honorable Mention: Taqueria Vallarta
Burrito we would probably get while shitfaced taking all of this into account: El Farolito

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mathewguiver/the-heaviest-burrito-in-san-francisco

Products you may like

Related Posts

Funny Cat

Likes Posted on: June 24, 2017

Adultery Is Now Legal In South Korea

Likes Posted on: June 24, 2017

18 Cool Football Gifs

Likes Posted on: June 20, 2017

Ditching Twitter

Likes Posted on: June 13, 2017

I Can Have Nice Things Said By No

Likes Posted on: May 24, 2017

Nice Statement In Action

Likes Posted on: May 20, 2017

Q-and-A with Keith Olbermann!

Likes Posted on: May 8, 2017

Nice Suit, Vader…

Likes Posted on: May 5, 2017


Likes Posted on: May 5, 2017

Give Him An Oscar For Best Actor…

Likes Posted on: May 2, 2017

You Look Nice. Who Dressed You?

Likes Posted on: April 28, 2017

Image tagged in funny,demotivationals

Likes Posted on: April 24, 2017

Oh no!!! Khloe and Lamar call it quits

Likes Posted on: April 15, 2017

even clown suicide is funny

Likes Posted on: April 13, 2017

Introducing the “Lovitz Curve”

Likes Posted on: April 9, 2017

SNL writer Tom Davis dies at 59

Likes Posted on: April 6, 2017

Paul Ryan’s Inner City Education

Likes Posted on: April 5, 2017

MC Jin’s Second Chance

Likes Posted on: April 4, 2017

David Spade criticizes Obama [video]

Likes Posted on: March 26, 2017

Giants plan White House visit

Likes Posted on: March 26, 2017

Not Funny

Likes Posted on: March 25, 2017

I Know I’m Thin. Why Can’t I Say It?

Likes Posted on: March 23, 2017

favorite Occupy Wall Street action?

Likes Posted on: March 23, 2017

Lol So Funny

Likes Posted on: March 19, 2017

Whenever I Try To Post Funny OC

Likes Posted on: March 19, 2017

Nice Shooting!

Likes Posted on: March 8, 2017

Sleeping Is Nice Because

Likes Posted on: March 2, 2017

Lol so funny!

Likes Posted on: February 24, 2017

Image tagged in memes,funny,food

Likes Posted on: February 24, 2017

Samuel L. Jackson: Is Stacey Dash crazy?

Likes Posted on: February 20, 2017

Carlos Danger? Cindy McCain wants to know

Likes Posted on: February 20, 2017

America’s Got Talent …and Howard Stern!

Likes Posted on: February 20, 2017

17 Reasons Bruce Wayne Is A Straight Up Boss

Likes Posted on: February 15, 2017

Sexy Railroad Spiderman

Likes Posted on: February 12, 2017

Odom wants to play for the Knicks

Likes Posted on: February 8, 2017

Mom Stop, You Are Not Funny…

Likes Posted on: January 27, 2017

17 Things To Know If You Have Eczema

Likes Posted on: January 24, 2017

Why I Still Love “Rent”

Likes Posted on: January 20, 2017

Hilary Duff has a baby boy

Likes Posted on: January 18, 2017

Why Joe Jonas is perfect

Likes Posted on: January 14, 2017

21 Cats That Absolutely Cannot Christmas

Likes Posted on: January 13, 2017

Deal with it, sexy horse style

Likes Posted on: January 10, 2017


Likes Posted on: January 6, 2017

25 German Snacks, Reviewed By Brits

Likes Posted on: December 28, 2016

The Actor With The Weird Eyebrows…

Likes Posted on: December 23, 2016

Nice Try…

Likes Posted on: December 19, 2016

17 Things To Talk About In Between Dates

Likes Posted on: December 14, 2016

Rest in peace funny guy

Likes Posted on: December 11, 2016

My dogma just ran over your karma

Likes Posted on: December 6, 2016

The 27 Most Important Hair Moments Of 2014

Likes Posted on: December 4, 2016